My story of COURAGE

COURAGE. COURAGE. COURAGE?
Two years ago..there was a girl. Her name was Caroline Lee. She was shy, unconfident, self-concious. Until..There was a moment of her 13 years of life that changed her. She raised her hand in class. Sounds strange? Well. Not many people might believe this, but she used to be REALLY quiet. She didn't talk at the dinner table with her family very much, she wasn't involved in class discussions. She was a seriously different person. Some of the time she tried to fake courage. Actually, a lot of the times she still fakes courage. Some may have thought that she was some sort of really brave person that did things no one else would do. But deep down inside, she was scared. So scared she would hide behind herself. Still..everyone has fears, right? But you know what? None of you people were probably as cowardly as she was. Anyway, two years ago, she came to a school called TCIS. Before all this, she was a homeschooled student almost her whole life. Being a new student, she was SO scared. In classes, she would sit in a corner and be silent. But gradually, after seeing how things worked in a real school classroom, she started to listen to teachers, and paying some attention. However, still, she didn't, or couldn't, answer any of the questions that teachers asked. In one of her classes, there was one certain student. This student inspired her. This student seemed to have a great personality. This student was funny. This student was so friendly. This student seemed so happy. This student had courage. One day, a teacher asked a question. No one else knew the answer apart from Caroline. She finally got the courage to speak up in class. She raised her hand. After doing this, it seemed like a tiny burden rolled off her back. But it still felt so good. As you can imagine, this girl changed. She changed into a girl that had so much more courage. And that girl is me.
Today, I heard that my grandmother has cancer. Currently, she's in the hospital. My mom had to fly from China to see her. When I heard this, I had some mixed feelings. I felt deprived, bitter, angry, heartbroken. I couldn't believe this happened to my grandmother. In other words, I wanted to blame it on God. Why did He let this happen to her? Why couldn't it have been someone else's grandmother? But I wasn't going to cry about this. I felt anger and hatred. I thought to myself, why be such a coward and cry about this?? This isn't your fault. Have some bravery. Have some courage. Save your tears for worse things. I had these thoughts for a while, when I just suddenly broke out in tears. My heart felt so full of things. It needed to be emptied out. As I cried, I asked Him to forgive me. And I knew He did. And what I realized was that though someone that I love has to go through so much pain, God has a reason behind all this. It could be that He wants to take her away. But I don't think that's the reason. I think He wants to get her attention. What I want to get across with this is that sometimes courage doesn't mean not to cry. It doesn't mean that you should stop your tears. But what it could mean is that when you really need to cry, the best thing to do is cry.